Five Times Puck Changed His Name
by Jenico
Summary: And The One Person He Let Call Him By His First... Just a little About Puck with slight Puckurt to satisfy my own selfish needs.


_A/N: So I'm not quite sure where **this **__came from... Never thought in a million years my mind would force me to write this, but I guess that's the joy in random plot-bunnies._

_Warnings: Um, one-sided, unrequited crush/lust/appreciation for gluteus body parts?, Pretending-to-not-know-I'm-flirting-but-I-totally-know!Kurt, mild language?, really cute moments mixed with a general WTF._

_Also, I realize Puck didn't choose half of these names for himself, but you get the picture!_

* * *

><p>1<p>

Hanna Puckerman loved her baby boy with her whole heart. When she was resting in the hospital after giving birth, a doctor brought him in, wrapped in a blue, fleece blanket, and placed him in her arms. Hanna, upon finally seeing her son for the first time, felt a tear fall down her cheek.

Hanna's husband, Jacob, hadn't been present at the time of the baby's birth, which wouldn't end up changing much throughout the baby's life, so the little boy was still nameless.

The doctor who was standing next to Hanna looked down with a smile. "He's so quiet for a boy. Usually, they're the rowdy ones."

Sure enough, the baby was silently smacking his lips, eyes then fluttering through a yawn as he drifted off to sleep. It was then that Hanna knew what she would name her little boy.

"Noah," she grinned. "Noah Lael Puckerman."

The doctor gasped quietly. "That's beautiful! Does it mean anything?"

"Peaceful," Hanna responded, brushing her fingers through her son's nonexistent hair. "Noah means peaceful."

* * *

><p>2<p>

At the age of five, Noah Puckerman was anything but peaceful.

Within his first two weeks of kindergarden at _Yeshiva_, he'd managed to get called home twice for bad manners, receive a "Red Letter" (as opposed to Green or Yellow Letters, each depending on the child's behavior for the week), and form red marks on his wrists from where the teacher would slap him with a ruler. By the second month, his mother had to enroll him in public school where the guidelines weren't so strict.

When Noah wasn't as school, he was making his mother's life unbearable at home. His father was constantly on the road, trying to make a career as a musician, so Hanna not only had to work two jobs, she also had to take care of her rambunctious child.

Sometime during his first year of school, he developed an obsession with dinosaurs, as any young boy would. His mother thought that this was good at first: Noah would spend more time in his room playing with his stuffed T-Rex than running around the house, yelling like a madman.

One day, however, the two combined.

Noah came storming down the stairs as his mom prepared dinner for the two of them, yelling and stomping about. He'd squirted hair gel all over his head, forcing the short hairs to stick up straight, and he held his hands up like claws and jumped on top of the kitchen table.

"RAWR!" he yelled, doing his best impression of a dinosaur that he knew.

"Noah!" his mother reprimanded, setting the mixing spoon back into the pot of kosher spaghetti and walking over to him.

He screamed again and began to kick his feet up as if he'd just come out of the children's book _Where The Wild Things Are_.

"Noah Lael Puckerman! You will stop that this instant! Don't make me get the belt!" his mother warned him with a harsh tongue.

"No belt can defeat Puckzilla!" he went on, clawing at the air and pretending it was some tangible object.

Pausing, Hanna watched her son for a moment. "What did you just call yourself?"

"My name," Noah said as if he were presenting an award of great honor, "is... Puck..._zilla_!"

"Oh," Hanna nodded. "That's what I thought I heard."

"I am invisible!" Noah jumped down off the table and ran into the living room. "Puckzilla cannot die!"

"Do you mean _invincible_?" his mom asked with a smile, following him and watching as he jumped up on the couch.

"I am invincible!" Noah corrected himself as he kicked up pillows and blankets.

"Well then, I guess I should throw the spaghetti away then since I'm pretty sure dinosaurs don't like it..."

Noah paused and turned to face his mother. "Puckzilla _loves _spaghetti!"

"_Really_?" Hanna asked, pretending to think about that. "Then I guess Puckzilla also loves cleaning up the mess he just made when he kicked all the pillows off the couch."

Puckzilla took the hint, hopping off and quickly putting the furniture back where it belonged.

* * *

><p>3<p>

When Hanna found out she was pregnant again, Jacob Puckerman left again, only this time, he left for good.

Noah wanted to cry, but he knew he had to be strong for his mom. He didn't know exactly what being pregnant meant, and if he'd known that it would someday lead to another baby, he might've acted differently, but he knew he loved his mother more than anything.

Seven months later, Sara Eden Puckerman was born, and Hanna was officially a single mother of two. She knew it would be hard to provide efficiently for her family, Jacob leaving not even a penny of child support, but she would try her best.

When Sara and Hanna came home from the hospital, Hanna's parents comforted their daughter and made sure she was eloquently refreshed and hydrated.

Meanwhile, Noah looked at the ball of pink blankets in his mother's arms. Inside, slept a teeny, tiny baby (the smallest person Noah had ever seen) with long eyelashes and grabby fingers. He knew right then and there what his new name would be for the rest of his life.

_Ach. _Brother.

* * *

><p>4<p>

When Noah got to high school, he sort of unintentionally developed a reputation for himself. Besides having sex with every human that breathed, he also became a kind of badass. He didn't particularly _want_ to beat people up or jack their money, but if it helped pay the bills, he was all for it.

But he'd had enough of that Noah crap. The name was too dainty for someone handing out daily tickets to the gun show every time he flexed his arms (which he did rather often). So when he tried out for football and got the linebacker position, he decided there was only one name he'd be putting on his jersey.

Puck.

The hockey team got at him about it for the first few weeks, because for some reason, the McKinley High football and hockey teams were absolute enemies, and they felt that his new name would be portraying a false sense of teamwork between the two teams.

They stopped complaining about it however, when one day, Puck was in the middle of drinking an ice, cold slushie, and Rick from the hockey team came up behind him. Puck turned around and splashed the drink so hard in his face, he wasn't sure the guy could see for days.

Along with the resident hardass title, Puck's new persona also attracted all of the ladies. By the end of his freshman year, he wasn't completely positive which members of the Cheerios were on his To Do list or his Done list.

That's the thing though. While Puck found the sexual interest refreshing and ego-boosting, he felt like he was missing something.

That something was Kurt Hummel.

Puck didn't know what it was about the guy that turned him on so damn much, but there was something that, well, _turned him on so damn much_. And it was weird because Puck was straight (at least he'd been pretty sure of it until high school when locker room showers were introduced). But when that skinny, little kid, that he'd before only paid attention to in order to throw into dumpsters, walked onto the football field, danced around like a fool (involving a dance move in which he literally _patted his own ass_), and sent the football flying over the field goal post, Puck couldn't deny the electrical impulses that went shooting through his body.

So like any Lima Loser would do, he joined the freaking glee club. There, he would be able to get closer to Kurt without it seeming too obvious. He continued to bully him when people were watching, just so they wouldn't think anything was up, but even that had to die out eventually.

Still, Noah was long gone. And Puck walked around the school like he owned it. Which, by some standards, he did.

"Puck, Principal Figgins would like to see you in his office," a teacher told him one day towards the middle of his sophomore year.

Grabbing his book bag, Puck stormed out of the classroom and down to the principal's office, which by then, he could've found in his sleep.

"What is it, Fig?" he asked rudely. "I've got remedial French next, and you gotta be early to get the best tutors." Of course, there was only one tutor he wanted. And Kurt just so happened to be the best French speaker in the school. Even better than the teacher, who was from a French Province in Canada.

"Please sit, Noah-"

"_Puck_," he corrected him, throwing his bag down and taking a seat.

"Yes. Puck," Mr. Figgins nodded, too scared to argue with the teen that was twice the size as him. "Miss Fabray told me what happened last week in glee club. Is there anyway I can be of assistance to you at this time?"

Puck's mouth gaped. As of the previous week, everyone in glee club knew that Quinn's baby wasn't Finn's. It was Puck's. _Damn that Berry_, he thought of Rachel who had spilled the beans to Finn, _and her big, talented mouth_. He liked that the truth was out to a certain extent, but he somehow knew there was no way Kurt was going to fall for a guy that was a baby-daddy. It just wasn't cool.

"Hell no, Newton. I don't need your help. I can get by on my own, thank you very much," Puck said harshly, standing up once again. "Now excuse the Puckasauras as I need to raise my failing French grade and check out an ass or two." And with that, he left the office.

* * *

><p>5<p>

Beth was _so small_.

Puck stood behind the glass in the NICU, staring at her and trying to imagine himself holding the tiny, fragile baby. He hadn't been allowed to yet, but he was hoping he might before he had to leave. Depending on who would adopt the child, he might not have ever gotten the chance again.

As much as he understood why Quinn was giving Beth up for adoption, he couldn't help but feel like he was as big of a failure as his own father. At least his father had been into his twenties when he'd decided to impregnate a woman. He and Quinn were only sixteen.

When Shelby Corcoran signed the adoption papers, Puck had the sense that maybe, somehow, he would manage to be part in his daughter's life.

It wouldn't be until his senior year, when he'd finally have someone to call him his fifth - and possibly favorite - name of them all.

Dad.

* * *

><p>+1<p>

Okay, so maybe Puck wasn't _completely_ gay. He'd been in love with Lauren Zizes and sort of had this weird relationship with Shelby, but there was some part of him that would still bone Kurt Hummel. Maybe it had been the fact that even after two years of bullying the guy, a year and a half of sticking up for him, and the few weeks of Booty Camp, Kurt was as stubborn as ever.

And Puck really, really couldn't say no to him.

Blaine was skipping school to pass out flyers to The Garglers or whatever they were called when Mr. Schue decided the glee club needed to pair up to learn how to swing dance. Puck was planning on making his way over to Quinn reluctantly when Kurt pulled on his sleeve.

"Yeah, Hummel?" Puck's badass persona faltered for a moment when he met Kurt's seafoam eyes.

"Can you be my partner today? Blaine's not here..."

"Oh, I hadn't noticed," Puck lied. Glancing over at Quinn who was sitting next to Artie and laughing, he nodded. "Yeah, sure. But I'm taking the lead."

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him, but shrugged anyway. "Whatever."

Mr. Schue got the attention of the class and gave them each specific directions of where to stand. As he proceeded to teach the class the basics of swing dancing, using Brittany as his makeshift partner, Puck began to snicker quietly.

"What is so funny?" Kurt hissed at him, not really caring about paying attention to the lesson.

"Look at Santana's face," Puck whispered. "She's so clearly pissed off that Schuester's dancing with her girl."

Kurt looked over and giggled a little himself. "Shh..."

A minute later, they were instructed to get in position, and Kurt raised his hands up as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Puck gave him a skeptical look and studied the space between them before stepping forward into the leading position. As they began, Puck stumbled over his own two feet more times than he'd like to admit. But he couldn't help it if he was more used to the bump and grind of club dancing than some stupid ballroom crap. Kurt had obviously had it by the time he stepped on his shoes for the third time.

"Oh my god," Kurt threw his hands down frustratedly, and Puck gave him a look of confusion and guilt. "You are worse than Finn!"

"I'm sorry, bro," he said throwing his arms in the air in surrender. "It's not like I can just be perfect at something after seeing it once like you!"

Kurt raised an eyebrow and gave a look of skepticism before sighing. "No, I'm sorry for yelling. Just... I'll take lead." He put his hands back up in the more dominant position.

Puck wasn't sure how he felt about this because he was totally not used to following other people, but for some reason it kind of turned him on. And let's be honest, Puck dated Quinn who was like a psycho maniac, and then he dated Lauren who was as charge in their relationship as he was, and well, he couldn't help it if he liked being told what to do. It was a textbook definition of the Oedipus Complex.

"Noah..." Kurt said, bringing him back to reality.

He opened his mouth to correct Kurt because nobody in their right mind called him Noah, but he just couldn't force himself to say it. "Yeah?"

"You wanna hurry up? Rachel and _Finn_ are doing better than us right now."

"Okay," he nodded and stepped forward and followed Kurt's lead.

When glee club was over for the day, and everyone was completely out of breath, Puck had finally managed to learn one or two dance moves that didn't involve a chick face down and ass up in front of him. He watched as Kurt grabbed a moist towelette from Rachel and dabbed it on his brow to remove any sweat.

"You know," Kurt grinned, glancing down at Puck who had collapsed in a chair, "you're not too bad at that, Puck. Good job today."

Puck wanted to say this as menacing and hard as possible, but with his response, it was nearly impossible. "Uh, yeah, thanks. But, you know, you can call me Noah."

Kurt stared at him for a moment before he let out a laugh. "I always have and always will... Noah."

And it just sounded so cute and adorable coming from him, and yeah, Puck really, _really_ needed to find a new girlfriend as soon as possible. Still, as Kurt walked away, he found himself smiling (and definitely checking out that _ass_ - it was unbelievable!).

* * *

><p><em>And that was me trying to write Puck. With a dash of Kurt (because omg, I recently discovered I ship Kurt with, like, <strong>everybody<strong>.) Thank you for reading/reviewing! :)_


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